A SMART ANSWER TO A DUMB POLICEMAN
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Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over a bridge after spending a great day 
out on the ocean fishing. His fish, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in 
newspaper on the floor.

He was late going home and was speeding... Wouldn't you know, a cop 
appeared, radar gun in his hand and gestured him to the side of the bridge.

Bob stopped, like a good citizen and the cop walked up to the window and 
said, "You know how fast you were going, BOY?"

Bob thought for a second and said, "Uh, 60?"

"67 mph, son! 67 mph in a 55 zone!" said the cop.

"If you already knew, officer" replied Bob, "Why did you ask me?"

Angry because of Bob's answer, the officer shouted, "That's speeding, and 
you're getting a ticket and a fine!"

The cop looked closer at Bob, who was wearing his stained fishing clothes 
and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! I've never seen 
anyone so scruffy and dirty in my entire life!"

Bob answered, "I've got a job! I have a good, well-paid job!"

The cop leaned in the window and, smelling the fish, said,
"What type of a job would a bum like you have?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied Bob.

"What you say, BOY?" asked the patrolman.

"I'm a rectum stretcher!"

The cop, scratching his head, asked, "What does a rectum stretcher do?"

Bob explained, "People call me and say they need to be stretched, 
so I go to their house. I begin with a couple of fingers, then a 
couple more, and then one whole hand, then two. Then I slowly pull them 
farther and farther apart until it's a full six feet across."

The cop, pondered these bizarre images in his mind and asked, 
"What the hell do you use a six foot asshole for?"

Bob nonchalantly answered: 
"You give it a radar gun and put it at the end of a bridge!"